And Upon this Bacon I Shall Eat More Bacon

My brain is ceasing to function right now, so today is all about one thing.

BACON.

Congratulations. You are now a full member of the Church of Bacon (fully compatible with most religions). Welcome aboard.

To fully appreciate Bacon, however, it is clear to me that there need to be certain rules...

And now, onto the Proper Handling and Cooking of Bacon (I'd call it "kosher," but that'd be too ironic).

HANDLING AND STORAGE

1. Always handle your bacon lovingly and tenderly, like a newborn infant.

   

   And Patriotic

2. Be sure to refrigerate your bacon if you're going to use it before the expiration date. Otherwise, put it in cryogenic stasis.
   

MOST CORRECT METHOD OF COOKING BACON.

(And yes, I said cooking. Do NOT buy "precooked" bacon. Equate "precooked" with "subpar bacon-like substance taken from the unholy offspring of a turtle and a lobster." If you used precooked bacon, may God have mercy upon your soul).

1. Take an oven-safe tray (baking sheet, car hood, etc.) and cover it with tin foil to prevent the aliens from locking onto your bacon signature (and making clean up easier). 

2. Place bacon on the tray.

3. Place it in the oven.

4. *NOW* Set the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit, or 204 degrees Celsius if you're one of those pesky metric unit people. [Special Note: This is considered "a bit chilly" by LavaGirl]

5. Set a timer for 15 minutes. Once that's up, check the bacon. If it is doesn't look done or you want it crispier, leave it in, but be careful as you approach the 20 minute mark. If it looks good, it IS good. Take it out.

6. Eat your Bacon in its glory.

Yes, I know I've been completely off-topic these past few days. It's just that my brain has been rebelling against ever attempt to wrestle it into control.

~BlueCru