Day 100: They still do not realize I am a human...

Hello, World!

Today is an exciting day!

... alright, not really. But this is the start of my blogging my journey to get hired.

A little background information is in order. I *am a* [thanks, m'dear, for reminding me to retake kindergarten grammar] 22 year old man, I graduated college with a B.A. in Political Science (commonly referred to as "wow, that's a shit degree"). I've been searching for jobs since May and it's been quite the roller coaster. My most promising prospect ended up falling hard, so alas, I am here.

And here's me. With a fish.

I don't really expect this blog to get much attention (it'd be awesome if it did!), but it is nice to have a small place here to vent or simply talk.

This blog will focus on some things, primarily my attempts at getting hired and the anecdotes and hilarity that may ensue. I will include other things from time to time, and maybe start side-blogs to cover those issues more readily.

Let us begin with a Sears application story! Huzzah!

Yesterday I applied to a Loss Prevention Associate posting. It was... interesting. As usual, there are always the questions that are well-intentioned and all, but I can't help but want to make crap up with them...

1. Have you been convicted of a felony in the past 5 years?
A. Convicted? No. Guilty of several? I'd prefer not to say...

2. Are you Hispanic? Yes or No.
A. Is this one of those middle-school notes? "Do you like me? Circle one: Yes No."

3. What race(s) are you? Check all that apply: African-American, Asian, Caucasian, Hispanic*, Kerbal, Martian....
A. Did you NOT just freaking ask me if I was Hispanic?

4. Are you willing to submit to a drug test?
A. Certainly! I know all my drugs very well! Ever been to Columbia?

And so on and so forth.

This particular application had, at the end of it, the dreaded SIMULATION OF TERROR.

Pictured above: a much more enjoyable simulation.

Needless to say, it was cheesy as Hell and I probably failed it hard. You basically were a K-Mart employee (the horror!) and various people came up to you and asked for help. You, however, didn't walk them to an aisle, or give them various statistics, or do anything a normal customer service person would. Nope. Your noble and honorable task was to be a standing iPad Wielder. BEHOLD, THE GLORY! This simulation, complete with terrible voiceovers and juxtapositioned images of people in different poses, went about the following way:

*Behold, the single customer approacheth...*

Excuse me, I placed an order on your website for a KillMaster3000 Chainsaw and wanted to pick it up.

Sure thing, sir/ma'am! I'LL JUST LOOK UP YOUR ORDER ON MY HANDY DANDY IPAD!

Excellent, my red-shirted minion! 

Could you tell me your name, address, place of birth, social security number, credit card number, and favorite color?

*The customer complies, and you get to write all this shit down on your magical iPad.*

Would that be all today, sir/ma'am?

Yes, thank you.   

Sweet God. Seriously? I'd be a walking iPad-equipped website searcher? I thought my job was to keep people from stealing shit. WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!?!