Products for Lava Girl

As discussed in a previous post, LavaGirl (the woman I'm engaged to) has some... peculiarities when it comes to her "ideal temperature" for consuming food and drink.

"If it doesn't melt my tastebuds, then I don't want it."

Naturally, it is difficult to find products that will reach such extreme temperatures... or even companies willing to produce them.

But, somehow, there's always at least one shady, creepy company or person willing to design something so skin-meltingly crazy it meets the bar.

And, my personal favorite...

"Now with THRUST VECTORING!"

Oh the things that girl does...

Aggravation: The Musical

Today was a long day...

Wake up in th' morning, feelin' like a zombie

Grab my coffee, I'm out the door, gonna hit the city

Before I leave, check G-mail, and google maps too

'Cause when I leave for the day I know what I'm gonna do

I'm talkin'

Takin' that Civil Service

Tryin' to get a high score

Finally get a job, job...

~Ke$ha in an alternate universe, theoretically.

DEAR GOD, WHY.

How to Have a Long Ass Day

Step 1: Leave to go to your civil service exam and head towards the nearest gas station.

The dotted line means "fly here."

Step 2: Try your Luck at the Gas Pumps

Step 3: Leave the Gas Station with only $5.43 worth of fuel and drive like a maniac while keeping an eye on your fuel gauge

Step 4: Find a Gas Station, quickly fuel up, drive the rest of the 2 hour trip and arrive at the testing center...

... 10 minutes late...

Step 5: Drive BACK another 2 hours and bake some bread you've been planning for... and the dough is stickier than a toddler that discovered maple syrup.

Step 6: Preheat oven to 425? No problem!

Pictured above: Problem.

Gaaaaaaaah! Screw this, I'm being a Pirate.

Have any tremendously bad days that make you want to commit Omnicide? Or maybe you have a good story to cheer me up? Tell me about it in a comment below! 

The Wake-Up Process

It is 7:16am as I start this blog post. I am only awake because Lord Folger's hath permitted it.

*I am not a morning person*

The history of me waking up has been... colorful.

The First Era: Teenage (all other times before this have been lost).
Characteristics: Excessive Resistance, High Potential for Violence

The first attempt was always fruitless.
The second didn't fare well either.

Hell, at this point in my life, I had a timer saved on my phone just so I could catch in an extra 7 minutes of sleep before I had to RUN to get to school on time before the Parentage get angry.

The Second Era: The College Days
Characteristics: Glorious Failure

Not much to say about this, except all too often the scenario went as follows:

Which invariably led to...

Which then led to...

And then this pattern eventually resulted in...

The Third Era: Present Day
Characteristics: Acceptance of Fate, Murmurings of Discontent, Zombification

Nowadays, I get up around 6:30-7:00.
It sucks.

Apart from feeling (and being) Death Incarnate when I wake up, we also have some... interesting sayings that originate.

Only the Dead can know peace from this chaos.

Or the caffeinated.

Have any wake up rituals? Do you like the larger picture size? Give feedback and comments below!