The Story of Watson: The Breakfast Thief

I've talked about cats and dogs before, but this time it's personal.

This is the story of Watson, a mini wired-hair dachshund.
Here he is.

Isn't he cute?
Isn't he nice looking?
Doesn't he seem like a nice, fun, awesome dog?

It's a lie. All lies.
He's a double agent. A traitor.
Let me cartoonify him first.

Because you deserved it. Traitor.

One day, I decided to take some time and make Eggs Benedict for breakfast (point of information: this was at my parent's house, and Watson is my parent's dog).

What is eggs benedict, you ask? Let me draw it out for you.

So I just finish making this concoction of deliciousness, this edible monument to engineering. I place it on the table, and go to quickly clean the dishes before eating it, as I don't like to eat lava.

Now is a good time to mention that dogs are simple creatures with very simple minds...

This dog, with a height or like 8 inches, JUMPED onto the chair, HOPPED onto the table, and ATE BOTH EGGS BENEDICT I MADE.

And then ran off.

All before I even freaking realized what was happening.

It was gone. All the work (which is more than you think) was eaten in the space of a minute. By Watson the dog.

And the plate was licked clean.

It was a most grievous error. I spent the rest of the day playing Indoor Safari with a nerf gun, stalking the Puppy Errant and shooting him with the foam darts.

Because, well, you can't actually be angry at a dog that cute.

"Soon I shall be the Bacon King!"

Comments Welcome!

And Upon this Bacon I Shall Eat More Bacon

My brain is ceasing to function right now, so today is all about one thing.

BACON.

Congratulations. You are now a full member of the Church of Bacon (fully compatible with most religions). Welcome aboard.

To fully appreciate Bacon, however, it is clear to me that there need to be certain rules...

And now, onto the Proper Handling and Cooking of Bacon (I'd call it "kosher," but that'd be too ironic).

HANDLING AND STORAGE

1. Always handle your bacon lovingly and tenderly, like a newborn infant.

   

   And Patriotic

2. Be sure to refrigerate your bacon if you're going to use it before the expiration date. Otherwise, put it in cryogenic stasis.
   

MOST CORRECT METHOD OF COOKING BACON.

(And yes, I said cooking. Do NOT buy "precooked" bacon. Equate "precooked" with "subpar bacon-like substance taken from the unholy offspring of a turtle and a lobster." If you used precooked bacon, may God have mercy upon your soul).

1. Take an oven-safe tray (baking sheet, car hood, etc.) and cover it with tin foil to prevent the aliens from locking onto your bacon signature (and making clean up easier). 

2. Place bacon on the tray.

3. Place it in the oven.

4. *NOW* Set the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit, or 204 degrees Celsius if you're one of those pesky metric unit people. [Special Note: This is considered "a bit chilly" by LavaGirl]

5. Set a timer for 15 minutes. Once that's up, check the bacon. If it is doesn't look done or you want it crispier, leave it in, but be careful as you approach the 20 minute mark. If it looks good, it IS good. Take it out.

6. Eat your Bacon in its glory.

Yes, I know I've been completely off-topic these past few days. It's just that my brain has been rebelling against ever attempt to wrestle it into control.

~BlueCru

Cookie Dough

As I've mentioned before, having a hobby is an essential part of life, especially while job searching. There's only so many times you can fill out applications, answer questionnaires, send in resumes, write up emails, etc. before your brain implodes.

My hobby is baking and cooking, but usually only small things: a loaf of bread, a meal...

Your arteries will explode in gratitude.

And then there's lava girl, who makes 5,000 dozen million cookies every Christmas.

I'm not even exaggerating. Just ONE recipe she's recently started using makes 6 dozen, and she tripled the recipe. (You can find it here: they're really good).

And, naturally, as BigStrongGuy™, I maintain my dignity as a man I become the human mixing machine.

But, being the silly and rebellious fellow I am, I can commit extreme acts of terrorism...

Naturally, LavaGirl is not amused.

That's alright though. I mean, everyone likes cookie dough better anyways? Besides the raw egg, what's the problem? Cookie Dough > Cookies, period.

Well. Until I am shamed into doing all the dishes for my crimes.

The following two people commented on my Facebook page, and thus I drew their profile pics.