No, seriously. It's crazy.
Every year for Christmas, my family does the whole "secret santa" thing. For our friends joining us from Mars, this is when you draw a name out of a hat and then your "secret mission" is to figure out what the person wants and then give it to them on Christmas (within budget, usually about $20 if I remember). Christmas comes and everyone's happy.
Now imagine a strange, cruel world where all of that is backwards.
That's what a Yankee Swap is.
This past year, we held a yankee swap within the family + LavaGirl confederation for the first time. Here's how it works.
1. You buy a gift worth maybe $5.00. Something cheap. And it can be ANYTHING. (More on that in a second).
2. You bring it, wrap it, and everyone puts it in a pile.
3. You pick a number.
4. Whoever picked number one picks up a present and unwraps it.
5. Number 2 picks a present and can then choose to keep it or swap it, and the swap MUST be facilitated. Then, that person's turn is complete.
6. Everyone goes through in order; you can swap with anyone who's gone before you.
7. After the last person it goes back to number one who has the last laugh as he or she can then choose to swap with anyone.
This is all well and fun, unless of course you have someone like me in the mix. Then it's anarchy.
Enter the Jitterbug.
 |
| No, I'm not kidding. This thing actually exists. |
When I saw this thing, I knew I had to get it. This was the Yankee Swap gift. This terror that some woman in Idaho made simply to scare kids into therapy was perfect.
And, naturally, the results were amusing.
I had a field day. It was simply too good, and I lucked out in the Yankee Swap, so I didn't get it.
Or so I thought.
Sonuvabitch. My family sent it to me. While I was in college.
When my roommate saw this thing, he nearly had a damned heart attack.
Of course, it didn't help that I planted it in his bed first, but still.
For the next three months the Thing™ went everywhere.
It's still out there, somewhere.
Waiting.
Watching.
