The Games We Play

When you’re unemployed, you discover that you have quite a lot of free time. And, as the flawed human beings we all are, this time is sometimes used in peculiar ways.

Thank Goodness we're not, like, curing cancer or something.

One of the most common things people gravitate to (and by “people” I mean males aged 14-30) is games. They’re fun. To me, some feel like being a general, while others feel like being the main character in a movie.

But sometimes, this doesn’t translate over very well to your better half…

Damn.

Sometimes, you try to reconcile…

"I don't even know how you did that... Super Mario Bros doesn't usually have a HitlerMode.

But other times, you just try to hide it like the shame-ridden thing you clearly are to her.

And, after three years, I had almost given up hope…

And then it happened.

She discovered Civilization V.

It was incredible.

It was terrifying.

I gave her small lessons here and there, but she figured out the majority of it herself. And, last night, she claimed her first Domination victory.

And, soon, there will be multiplayer…

Loans and Malaysia

Well, the past couple days have been interesting to say the least.

I've seen lots of very very high numbers! It's magical!

Except when it isn't.

The first number to come in was the huuuuuuuge number of pageviews I got Tuesday.

Don't go to those websites. Seriously.

Upon further investigation, it was made clear these hits were coming from...


Malaysia.

Therefore, there must only be one solution...

I am the Chosen One of Malaysia.

Or, perhaps, it's the spambots as a helpful user on Facebook pointed out.

Ah well. Glory for but a moment. I am gonna call it the Malaysian Anomaly. Because that sounds cool.

The next high number was even more sinister than the first.

It came from Student Loanville.

If you sue me, I'll just not be able to pay you anyways.

Shit.

But wait, there's more!

Call RIGHT now and you'll be screwed over to find out deferment is not an option for you! Hooray!

... If anyone would like to give me a winning lottery ticket, I'd be just a bit thankful.

I'll sell you the Crown of Malaysia!

I'll forego bacon for a week  a day!

JUST SAVE ME FROM THE MONSTER!!!

Student debt has swelled to over $1 TRILLION freaking dollars recently. A trillion. And, just to effing boot, that's about 6.66% of our economy.

Student loans really ARE the Devil.

If you'd like to donate a penny to the Save the BlueCru fund, that'd be nice. Other wise, leave a comment below discussing how fucked I am. 

The Story of Watson: The Breakfast Thief

I've talked about cats and dogs before, but this time it's personal.

This is the story of Watson, a mini wired-hair dachshund.
Here he is.

Isn't he cute?
Isn't he nice looking?
Doesn't he seem like a nice, fun, awesome dog?

It's a lie. All lies.
He's a double agent. A traitor.
Let me cartoonify him first.

Because you deserved it. Traitor.

One day, I decided to take some time and make Eggs Benedict for breakfast (point of information: this was at my parent's house, and Watson is my parent's dog).

What is eggs benedict, you ask? Let me draw it out for you.

So I just finish making this concoction of deliciousness, this edible monument to engineering. I place it on the table, and go to quickly clean the dishes before eating it, as I don't like to eat lava.

Now is a good time to mention that dogs are simple creatures with very simple minds...

This dog, with a height or like 8 inches, JUMPED onto the chair, HOPPED onto the table, and ATE BOTH EGGS BENEDICT I MADE.

And then ran off.

All before I even freaking realized what was happening.

It was gone. All the work (which is more than you think) was eaten in the space of a minute. By Watson the dog.

And the plate was licked clean.

It was a most grievous error. I spent the rest of the day playing Indoor Safari with a nerf gun, stalking the Puppy Errant and shooting him with the foam darts.

Because, well, you can't actually be angry at a dog that cute.

"Soon I shall be the Bacon King!"

Comments Welcome!